We have the opportunity to create a joy-filled life, not only for ourselves, but for our families and our kids too. Beautiful experiences, unending love, financial freedom, generational legacy, and true happiness are right there.…waiting for us to decide to accept them into our lives.

I once read life isn’t about “OR”, it’s about “AND”. That really sparked a fire in me.

Hearing that phrase made me realize I had fallen prey to the falsity that you can spend quality time with your family OR have a clean, organized home; you can have a family OR a successful career; you can have a social life OR a strong relationship with your spouse.

Maybe I’d pulled this “Life of OR” mentality from the sarcastic memes about #momlife. Maybe I’d started to believe it because I felt that I was juggling parenting with household responsibilities terribly. This belief that it was “normal” to drag through life exhausted, grumpy, and stressed was reflected back to me everywhere I looked. So it’s no surprise that I began believing this as truth.

Once I took a step back and looked around, I realized we’ve all just thrown our hands up and accepted that “Adulting” is hard and our life of bills, stress, never-enough, and exhaustion is “just how it is”.

I’d believed the lie and begun living by it too. That one, simple belief was holding me back from a life of joy and abundance with my family, my money, my friends, and my spouse.

Flip the Script

If you could create a list of things, feelings, and experiences that you want to fill your life – events and people that would create laughter and peace in your soul – what would that list look like?

But maybe the question really is: What stopped you? What didn’t you write down and why?

As mothers, we have so much power –  The power to create a safe environment for our children, the strength to nurture and provide, the insight to address emotions and teach positivity, the ability to influence and alter lives. 

But what are we doing with that power? 

Are you spending your time allowing the mundane tasks of life squelch your joy? Laundry and dishes and even grocery shopping are part of life, but no one ever said those errands would provide you joy. You can take ownership of it all and find joy in the things you want. 

We are a Result of our Choices

You must find a way to stop being a martyr to the frustrating minutia and choose joy. You’ve arrived at this point in your life out of your own doing. You made choices. So, now that a few years have passed and you do have the kids, the car, the hunky husband, and the great career, you just want to complain about them?

My personal saboteur looked like this: I stayed up too late, so I didn’t get enough sleep. I struggled to wake up on time, and made us all late. We were all snappy at each other and rushing the kids to get ready. Too little time led to a rocky start to the kids’ day and no breakfast for me. Angrily, I grabbed a drive-through breakfast and rushed to work.

By the time I got to work (it’s only 8:30am), I felt as if my day was already ruined, tearfully guilty about how I caused my children’s morning to go, and I’m angry that I spent un-budgeted cash on breakfast. I’m consuming more fat and sugar than necessary and will have an upset stomach later. I have a stress headache because of all the hustle to get out of the door. Here’s the kicker though….it’s all my fault. 

“You did that to yourself” I mutter in tears. Why did you chose to make your day worse by making decisions that would negatively affect your mind and body? How are those around you affected now that you are upset with yourself and uncomfortable?What kind of example are you setting for your children when you behave like this? 

This was one of those pivotal moments where I looked inward and was able to see this horrible cycle repeating day after day. I was able to honestly inspect each aspect of my life and decide what I would take ownership of and create change. 

Kick the Sabotage to the Curb

Can you think of other examples, in your work, financial life, or relationship can you find of self-sabotage?

Do you remember those promises you muttered to yourself about “When I have…” “when I’m a mom…” and “My children will…” and “My family will…”? 

Remember those dreams and hopes and the warmth they brought to you.

We are all guilty, but we have to stop doing this to ourselves! We all have to get to a point where we take ownership of our actions. Instead of thinking “it’s not fair” about so-n-so’s perfect insta pics, or being jealous of an only partially true facebook caption depicting a perfect family, why don’t you get off your duff and create the life you want? 

Remember that wish list you made earlier? What kind of action can you take to actually make those dreams come true?

Becoming Intentional

The first secret of any level of success, whether it be emotional, monetarily, or in anything is intentionality with our actions. I know you’ve heard of the ripple effect.

Each action, decision, and movement creates a reaction somewhere else. Do things that will affect those around you positively and that will make progress toward your goals.

Can you communicate more clearly with your spouse? That might result in more harmony at home. 

May you spend more one-on-one time with your children? That might result in less fits for attention since they’d be receiving direct, personal time with eye contact from you. 

You are the only one truly in charge of your life, and even more so, you’re in charge of ensuring that your children’s lives have a positive trajectory.

Will you be able to positively influence their lives if yours is a wreck? Can you effectively teach them how to make calm, calculated decisions if you’re always stressed and rushed? No.

How would your life be different if you learned effective communication, strong financial management skills, effective social and personal skills, insight, and strength in who you really are from a young age?

Imagine starting your adult life with deep comprehension of these life lessons. Oh how my 20s would have been different! How different would your life be? How different would your decisions have been? Where would you be now as a result of those wiser decisions?

I truly believe that positive, impactful behaviors can be learned and taught to the next generation. The possibilities are limitless as to how abundant our childrens’ lives can be with knowledge like this.

When you’re able to see the need for change in your life in order to positively impact your kids’ lives, why on earth wouldn’t you make some adjustments?

When you become intentional about each thing you eat, say, think, feel, and do, your life will change. Better yet, you’ll start to change the people’s lives around you. 

The greatest impact we can have on this world starts with ourselves. Intentional action toward a positive outcome with every decision we make can truly change lives. Providing a positive example in every way and attempting to purposefully influence our children and the other around us is the best way we can serve them. 

What will you become through intentional change? How great could your family’s lives be with commitment to a positive lifestyle change? And what are you robbing them of by not attempting to achieve the life you dreamed?