The more I learn about money, the more I realize that everything really does circle back to habits and personal behavior. Usually “habits” means something bad, riddled with guilt, that we do – smoking, biting nails, or cussing. What about positive habits though?

What if you could implement guilt-free, positive habits for yourself and your family? Money is personal and whether the numbers are in your favor or not, is highly correlated to your emotions, your behaviors, and how we feel about events in our lives.

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I’ve taken a step back and picked out several behaviors that we practice like clock-work that make our finances and our family operate well. Some of them were intentional while others were the result of me making adjustments to something else. These 12 behaviors have created momentum with our money and changed the way we manage our family. I believe they can do the same for you.

Immediate Needs Only

We only buy what we need when we need it. Back when we were broke-as-a-joke, this occurred out of necessity because we didn’t have a dime to spare. But the habit stuck with us,  because we began to see that we didn’t need to buy things ahead of time.

These days, everything we could possibly need is at the click of a button on a fully stocked shelf at the store on the corner. I began to be critical about the things that I added to my shopping list and ask myself “Do I really need that now?”

I started to become aware that I don’t need to buy things that are not an immediate need because when I need it, it will still be readily accessible. That thought alone created so much space, and therefore abundance in my life. A light bulb moment made me aware of the greedy feelings I’d had and that it no longer made sense to me to spend money today on something I wouldn’t use for a couple of weeks.

To this day, I only buy things that are an immediate need or that will be used within 7-10 days. If I want to do a little home project, for example, I won’t buy the paint and the sander until I’m actually able to have space in my schedule to complete the project. Otherwise, I postpone the purchase.

This logic can be used with food, home goods, clothing, workout gear …anything! Postponing any purchase also allows you to think clearly, not emotionally, about how bad you want that item in your life and if the price tag is really worth it. You also create time between now and the purchase date, which allows you to comparison shop, find a coupon, or come back when it’s on sale.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve postponed a purchase, only to find that I don’t even want the thing or decided not even to do the project a week or two later. Can you imagine how much money I’ve saved and how happy that makes me?!?

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No More “Extras”

I noticed that most of the time either the hubs or I went to the ATM, we’d pull out “extra”. This unlabeled, unallocated money went into the wallet with no clear intention and guess what happened next! It disappeared!

It took us a while but we’d start to notice that any cushion, extra, or bonus cash we had always, ALWAYS, got spent. The worst part? We had no idea where. A glass of wine here, and a dessert there, and poof! The extra cash was gone.

We began to decide exactly what we need ahead of time, and only pull out that exact amount – no more, no less. Whatever you ask for is what you get. This rule applies to everyone in the household. So if the hubs wants $40 for an event, he gets exactly that. I do the same.

This correlates strongly with budgeting and intention with your money. I decided I didn’t like the feeling I had when my money “disappeared” – Why would you willingly sign up for something in which your cash just ghosted on you? You wouldn’t right?

When we began maintaining a clear plan, using a zero based budget, and being conscious of our spending, this issue resolved itself.  Now, every bit of income is clearly designated for a purpose in our budgeting app. Whether we allocate that dollar to savings or to the mortgage or the kids activities or whatever, every single dollar has a plan that goes with it. We no longer have any “extra” that can be pulling magic tricks on us.

Budget

The next habit that created momentum for us, big time was budgeting. I get the impression that nobody wants to budget, because they believe that a budget is restrictive.

I have a completely different perspective because since we started budgeting, so much of the guilt and fear that I had anytime I spent money has disappeared. When when you create a budget you’re labeling specific dollar amounts that are allowed to be spent on certain things.

So, when you go to Target for some new mom-clothes and you have budgeted $100 you know, completely guilt-free, you are allowed to spend that hundred dollars on yourself. Budgeting has provided structure, and has given me permission to spend freely within the limit for each category.

In years prior, especially before kids, I thought I was budgeting. What I was really doing was just importing our transactions and making sure that things came through correctly. I now know this is called tracking. I would notice if our spending had been a little heavy lately and if it would be tough to pay off our card that month. But we were not setting parameters and categories ahead of time in which we would feel free to spend.

Once I started budgeting, I was finally able to see a true picture of what we could and could not spend. When I did need to buy something, I felt guilt-free because there was already money set aside for that purpose.

That freedom, to me, was so freaking amazing, because it reversed the negative feelings I’d struggled with every time I spent money in years past. Now, with the budget, [we use YNAB, you can sign up through my affiliate link here] the lines are clear. There’s no question if I’m inside or outside my lane. 

Whether you want to hear it or not, budgeting has probably been the biggest habit that has made a difference in our lives. You can choose to create a different name for it – maybe you want to call it a spending plan or some creative name -whatever makes you feel better.  

Practicing budgeting consistently (and tweaking it and trying over and over again, even after having months of failed, broken budgets) is the thing that has made a difference for us, probably the greatest difference for us over the past 5 to 7 years and really created momentum in our lives as far as paying off debt and building savings.

Plan Ahead

Just like how I’m suggesting you have a plan for your money, I suggest you have a plan in general. Don’t make this complicated. Budget your time, your food, your schedule, the kids’ activities, or whatever else is on your radar. I tend to operate well from to-do lists, grocery lists, and meal plans (which is basically a list of what dinner we’re having each night of the week). What do you think a soccer schedule is? It’s a list of the games and the time and place at which they occur.

Planning well overall is an excellent momentum-creating habit. For our family that looks like me sitting down with my phone, the computer, and my calendar planner at least once a week, entering upcoming events into Cozi, [that’s the calendar app we use & you can try it for free by using my affiliate link here] creating lists, and then following the plan.

I begin looking at the weekend ahead on Friday. I plan ahead of time where we’re going, what activities we have, what we need to bring with us.  I notice the times at which we will be out and about, and I have the mental space to be logical and thoughtful in planning whether we eat out or not.

Planning ahead is the activity responsible for creating peace and happiness in our lives because the hubs and I are able to talk about our expectations ahead of time. This activity gets everyone on the same page and allows us to enjoy our time together because there’s no confusion as to what we’re doing when or why.

I’ve noticed the shift in how I feel when I have a list and follow it. I’m no longer distracted with thoughts around not getting enough accomplished, thinking about all of the things I didn’t get done, or mentally creating more lists of things I forgot. Creating a plan prevents me from making repeated trips to the store, wasting time, and, best of all, ensures that when I’m with the kids, I’m fully present.

For example, I plan a list of errands and a time frame in which I need to do them. When that window is over, I’m free to play soccer in the front yard, go swimming with my kids, and take my kids to the park. That’s the ultimate benefit to creating a plan, being able to get what you need to accomplished, and then having clear cut time to be with and enjoy the ones you love.

Communicate

It sounds so simple and I’m sure you’ve heard a million times – Communication is Key – but seriously, I’m going through the effort of planning time and budgeting money. So it’s just as important for me to communicate that plan. When the hubs and I are on the same page, we’re a united front and there’s no confusion for the kids because we’re both telling them the same thing.

If I don’t plan ahead, we experience conflict first thing on Saturday morning, which sets a negative tone for the day. We each have undiscussed assumptions about how we’ll navigate the weekend and we missed the opportunity to have a brief, calm, planning session in the days prior. I work hard to infuse positivity into the kids lives and throughout our household, so arguing first thing on Saturday morning just sabotages all those good intentions. 

On the flip side, if we begin to talk about the upcoming weekend the Friday before, we can both ruminate on what we expect and the order in which we want things to happen. The weekend starts out positively and will naturally go more smoothly because of our simple discussion.

This same thing applies whether it be money, the kids schedule, the upcoming weeknight activities, and even dinner plans. On Sunday we start to talk about the week ahead. We have to discuss who’s getting the kids to soccer practice and if there are any evenings on which one of us won’t be available for dinner.

Some families have a weekly sit-down meeting where the budget, concerns, and everyone’s schedules are coordinated. I discovered about 5 years ago that this type of “meeting” was too formal and to be honest, annoying for both of us. So you have to find what level of communication works and the best method in which to do it for your family.

Face the Music, Often

Another thing that has actually made a huge difference in my anxiety about money is the act of actually logging into my accounts and seeing the big picture. Whether you use an app or a spreadsheet, create the habit of logging in and seeing your entire financial picture often.

I know that before we hit our financial -rock -bottom, I had been ignoring the numbers and avoiding logging in just because I knew it was bad.  I just knew that our credit cards were building balances and at those balances were getting scary high and I would just prefer not to look at it.

But I have to be sarcastic here and ask, if you’re doing this, “How’d that work for ya?” It definitely did not work well for me. If you ignore a cavity, instead of getting a filling you wind up with a root canal. If you ignore a conflict with a friend, instead of a conversation about the issue, it turns into a full blown fight. Just the same as we should not let things fester in any other area of our lives, letting your money problems fester is equally a terrible idea.

So when we were in debt up to our eyeballs, I knew it was time to face the music, look at the real numbers, and do whatever it took to fix the situation. I began to implement a habit of logging in and looking at our finances often. When we were super tight, I logged in nearly every day.

Now, 6ish years later, these habits have been ingrained in me, and we budget and we are in a much different position and so I’ll log in once or twice a month. Creating that habit where I have a time block during which I look at our finances from a big picture perspective has been life-changing.  This has created awareness and that has created confidence, because I’m never confused about where our money is, how much we have in a certain account, or how much we’re contributing to retirement.

This consistent habit of logging in and having that reality check with the numbers has become comforting to me and something that I look forward to. So, even if you are someone who dreads looking at numbers, establishing a habit of facing them head-on and training yourself to consistently do so over time will actually lead to a sense of comfort.

Automate Everything

The next momentum forming habit that was impactful to the way we manage our family and, actually, had a huge effect on my sanity, is automation. I took account of everything that I do, whether that be daily, weekly, or monthly, and if there was anything that was just a simple, repeatable step, I looked into automating it.

There was a time when I was managing two kids under 2, my career, and the household. I felt like my brain was at max capacity and like if one more thing entered onto my radar or my to do list, that I was just going to go nuts. Of course, that wasn’t a sustainable, pleasant way to operate, and I knew I had to clear what I could off my plate.

I set up automatic payments on all our utilities, our insurance premiums, and even for the minimum payments on our credit cards. If everything just got paid automatically, I would no longer fear late fees, missed payments, or find myself looking at last months statements to make sure I wasn’t missing anything for this month.

Once all the bills possible were automated, I had free brain-space to strategize which card I wanted to pay off first and I would manually log in and pay (in addition to that automatic minimum payment) the amount we’d budgeted. This took a lot of the pressure off and created a system for me.

The automation thing worked so well that I still have most of our payments automated. I’ve continued to look for ways to automate other portions of my life ever since.

Create Multiple Savings Accounts

As we discuss habits that create momentum, I’m sure savings comes to mind. Creating a habit to build savings is a huge struggle for most people. Even if you’re faithful about putting money away, I bet you fight the urge to use that cash for “pop-up expenses”.

Besides automation, the act of creating different savings account per savings goal has really moved the needle for us. We used to just have one savings account. The problem was, we’d see the balance building and always have an eye out for what we could buy with that.

Even if the intention was that it was for an emergency, we could easily come up with something we wanted for the kitchen or some cool vacation (or whatever) on which to spend that hard-earned savings. That single savings account was just a cookie jar to us and there weren’t solid guidelines established in our minds as to when we could or couldn’t get our hands in there.

One day, the realization hit me that you CAN have more than one savings account. I have no idea why that though hadn’t occurred to me before. I began opening different savings accounts for each different goal or purpose, and suddenly all confusion flew out the window

I created a separate savings account for the kids birthday bash, for our next new car, for our emergency fund, and for Christmas. Did you know that you can have as many savings accounts as you want?

Now, when an event comes around, I don’t stress about the funds because I’ve intentionally set aside money for that all year long. Automation plays into this too, because in our budget, every month, money gets automatically pulled into each of these savings accounts like clock work. It’s beautiful!

Every big event that comes up, is fully funded because we’ve been saving for it all along. Now that’s a true stress-relief!

Declutter

Something that may not come to mind as a financial momentum-creating habit, because it’s not in the same category as budgeting, automation, or savings, is decluttering.  However the effects on your mental clarity, the physical space around you, and your behavior as a consumer cannot be ignored.

Creating a habit of decluttering your home allows you to get rid of junk – one mans trash is another mans treasure, right? So, you get to sell or donate anything that you don’t use, and someone else who needs or wants it can benefit. It’s a total win-win.

Plus, I started to learn that clutter is directly tied to stress levels, especially in women. I started to think, Why do we own things just to own them? Another study showed that eliminating clutter would reduce housework by up to 40%, and who doesn’t want less housework?

This is where I began to draw the line. If we aren’t using something and haven’t touched it in a year, we seriously don’t need it. I started scouring the house for “junk” we don’t use, don’t need, and for things that are basically just taking up space.

When the kids were tiny, I could flip bags of baby clothes or infant toys on Craig’s List for about $50 a bag. This made a big difference for us back then – that $50 meant less stress on us financially and cash to buy groceries for the week.

This act of decluttering not only helped us earn quick cash, but it also completely flipped the way I thought about buying new things. From then on, when I was tempted to buy something new, regardless of the reason, I’d stop and think about how long it would be before I was turning around that same item on some garage sale app. If it wasn’t something I saw us loving and using for years into the future, it was no longer worth the purchase or my effort.

Decluttering my home on one end made me a more conscious shopper on the other end. I no longer bought things just because they were on clearance or because it kinda resolved an issue. It became so obvious to me that it was more “worth-it” to save up and spend good money on things we loved, that were exactly what we’d been wishing for, that solved a need, rather than buying cheap disposable items that we’d toss in a year.

In addition, I realized how less clutter in the house meant I was “cleaning up” less after my kids, which gave me more time to just enjoy them.  I quickly identified decluttering with creating more space for what mattered – our time together. So decluttering became an intentional habit for me, and I’d never want to reverse that.

I you could benefit from decluttering, but the thought of cleaning out the house overwhelms you, I have a recommendation for you. (The below are affiliate links, which means at no additional cost to you, I may receive benefit from your purchasing this course.) Check out this course from Allie called Your Uncluttered Home, where she takes you step-by-step and room-to-room in her complete online program to help you declutter.

Her program has changed over 10,000 moms’ lives and made their household work for them instead of stealing their time away. If you’d rather clean up less and have more time to actually be present with your family, I highly suggest her online course. Affiliate link below.

Find Free Fun

In addition to changing the way we spend money on a day to day basis, the way we communicate, and our habits around budgeting and saving, we realized how counterproductive it is to believe we have to spend money to have fun together. We realized that, contrary to popular belief, every event we attend doesn’t have to be something expensive.

Think about it, your kids don’t care how prestigious a restaurant is, they just want your attention and to feel safe and loved. We discovered this amazing world of free fun at parks, rec centers, libraries, museums, and community fairs and events.

A trip to the library with a stop at the park afterward where we could read books in the shade and then feed the ducks became the “best thing ever”. Suddenly, I felt like I was spending REAL time with my kids, with space to just “be” together and allow them prompt the conversation.

The shift from feeling like we had to go to expensive places or have pricey activities lined up not only saved us money, but it totally took the pressure off as far as scheduling. It no longer mattered what time the Gymboree class was and how we’d fit that in between our other weekend activities.

My check book and I aren’t the only ones who appreciated this change. I was suddenly gifted the opportunity to truly see my child’s face and the curiosity in their eyes when they asked how ducks swim or why the clouds float overhead.  We started to take advantage of opportunities to pack picnics together and play in the stream bed with our pants rolled at the ankles, which is the best fun of all.

So the next time you are looking for something to do or somewhere to go, take a few extra minutes and look into doing something free together. Maybe you can find a story time at your local library or a pod with ducks like I mentioned. You may be surprised what you find nearby that you didn’t even know was there.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

This one might crack you up or it might be slap in the face, but for me, it was imperative to be honest with myself about my place in this world and my actual income. Basically, when it comes to spending habits, you’ve got to realize you aren’t a celebrity, you aren’t special, and you don’t deserve anything.I know, we are supposed to be manifesting success and believing that each of us is unique and special bla, bla, bla. I get all that, and when it comes to business or my kids, I totally gobble up all the woo.BUT, when it comes to your money, it helps to believe the opposite. Are you really Fergalicious? Sippin champagne on a jet plane and making enough lettuce to support your shoe fetish? Probably not.The reality is that what’s modeled for us in the media, on Instagram, and even by pseudo-celebrities isn’t reality for us. You and I don’t have an income that’s in the millions per year and it’s important to our financial stability that we don’t go around acting like we are.

All I’m asking is that you check yourself and your behavior once in a while. Turning it down a notch probably just looks like splitting lunch with a friend or packing your lunch several days a week. This can save $50 or more per week, and who doesn’t want an extra $50?The whole “treat yo self” movement got out of hand and I know I’m not the only one who found myself feeling like I deserved a treat multiple times a week. That entitlement mindset gets us spending more cash than we should though. If you‘ve started to look into your spending and you aren’t happy with what you see, take a step back and think about how many purchases were made with the flair of entitlement.This all goes back to the budget, because if you budgeted for a treat and you are still saving and covering everything, then high five, girl! Order that Chipotle and the Guac.But if you’re paycheck-to-paycheck, regardless of how many zeroes are behind your salary, it’s important to look around and realize that you don’t need to spend money like a wannabe celebrity to have a good life, in fact, it’s probably just the opposite.

Ask For What You Want

In addition to changing the way we spend money on a day to day basis, the way we communicate, and our habits around budgeting and saving, we realized how counterproductive it is to believe we have to spend money to have fun together. We realized that, contrary to popular belief, every event we attend doesn’t have to be something expensive.

Think about it, your kids don’t care how prestigious a restaurant is, they just want your attention and to feel safe and loved. We discovered this amazing world of free fun at parks, rec centers, libraries, museums, and community fairs and events.

A trip to the library with a stop at the park afterward where we could read books in the shade and then feed the ducks became the “best thing ever”. Suddenly, I felt like I was spending REAL time with my kids, with space to just “be” together and allow them prompt the conversation.

The shift from feeling like we had to go to expensive places or have pricey activities lined up not only saved us money, but it totally took the pressure off as far as scheduling. It no longer mattered what time the Gymboree class was and how we’d fit that in between our other weekend activities.

My check book and I aren’t the only ones who appreciated this change. I was suddenly gifted the opportunity to truly see my child’s face and the curiosity in their eyes when they asked how ducks swim or why the clouds float overhead.  We started to take advantage of opportunities to pack picnics together and play in the stream bed with our pants rolled at the ankles, which is the best fun of all.

So the next time you are looking for something to do or somewhere to go, take a few extra minutes and look into doing something free together. Maybe you can find a story time at your local library or a pod with ducks like I mentioned. You may be surprised what you find nearby that you didn’t even know was there.

So Much To Do – Managing Overwhelm

I just gave you SO many things to do, concepts to think about, and changes to make right? So hurry up and implement them and you’ll never feel financial stress again!

Just Kidding

Ok, that was mean. Sorry.

I did think it was funny for like one sec though.

Yes, that was 12 full, involved habits with lots of moving parts inside each one. So, you CAN’T implement all of them at once, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure. I’m here to help, not freak you out, remember?

Choose ONLY one or two steps (I suggest picking the ones that are easiest to implement but that will make the biggest difference for your family) and work diligently on those. Tweak, revise, and edit only those 1 – 2 habits until they become “normal” for your family. This may take months.. baby steps, ok?

Also, realize that any time you try to make changes or implement something new, you’re going to have pushback, either internally or externally. Give yourself the grace to just try consistently – over and over again, allow conversations around the new habit, and keep fine-tuning the behavior until the issue, the reason you implemented one of these habits, has been impacted. 

It’s not like I found a list of 20 great habits, picked 12 of them and began making my family adhere to the list. These activities and behaviors developed over time. In fact, they are still developing. There are STILL weeks where things are crazy and I can’t keep up with it all. The reason I stand out from others though, is because I continue to try. I know you can do the same. I believe in you, mama.