The early years with our kids are full of change! We go through so many transitions with our kiddos that the constant change gets normalized. It becomes no big deal to switch brands, drop the bottle, move to a different car seat, try new foods, or  meet new friends.

To a certain extent this is great, our adult lives are ever-changing and a person has to be comfortable with a certain level of inconsistency in life. In a way, all of these changes are preparing our kids to be comfortable with change and develop thicker skin to constant change.

At some point though, it’s important to address what’s going on in your child’s life with him/her. Some transitions can be overwhelming to a child. Starting a new school or daycare, potty training, and even moving on from using a high chair are transitions.

There’s a certain level, and I’ll leave that call up to you, where the upcoming transition is a biggie and won’t go over so well when it’s just sprung upon them. A new high chair, for example, was exciting and my kiddo couldn’t wait to be a “big boy” at the table. On the other hand, switching from a crib to a bed was scary and required much discussion.

How Would You Feel?

Think about how you’d feel if you suddenly were transferred to a satellite office at work, or put in a different department. It’s safe to say that your world as you know it would be in complete upheaval for anywhere from a week to a month – however long it took you to settle in. 

Imagine how a young child would feel!! Switching to a new daycare or school suddenly puts your kiddo in a foreign building, with unfamiliar faces, an unknown schedule, and different toys, friends, food, you name it. Sounds scary!

My son doesn’t do well with large transitions. I learned early on that he was overwhelmed and confused when things changed. When I spoke to him in advance about the upcoming change, however, he seemed to be more understanding and it didn’t upset him as much.

Constant conversation leading up to, during, and after a large transition prepared him for the change, informed him of what to expect, allowed him an opportunity to ask questions, and gave him space to think about it and understand prior to when he had to be okay with it because it was happening.

Switching schools or daycares, for example is a big deal. It’s a stressful process for us adults to make the right decision, understand pricing and explore all of the options, so I can’t imagine that it would be any less to a child.

Preparation is key

Any time a change is coming, the more a person knows about what to expect and has time to sleep on it, they have a chance to get used to the idea and have the opportunity to ask questions about it.

Children are truly insightful, they will likely see an angle that you didn’t or present a concern that you didn’t think of. We are purposely open about conversation on a variety of topics including the body, hygiene, poop, nutrition, money, and behavior with our kids because we expect our kids to approach us about anything that’s on their minds in hopes that the communication during the pre-teen and teenage years will remain open and will (hopefully) be easier on all of us.

The big thing here is, we treat them like intelligent humans. We talk with them and explain things to them on a regular basis. They may not really get an opinion on the upcoming change, but we do our best to make them feel as if their ideas and concerns are valuable to us.

The way my kids feel about a situation is very important to me. I never want them to feel unreasonably scared, lost, in danger, or confused if it’s preventable with a few simple conversations.

So often, the adults make a decision and never once talk to the kids about it. Change is sprung upon kids, which results in a revolt nearly taking place.

If you expect more agreement and less fits and fighting, a little more discussion and explanation ahead of time really helps! When our kids know what we’re doing ahead of time, they’re much more likely to help me get that goal accomplished.

We talk about things and enlist their help in planning our mornings, establishing routine, completing projects and more. They feel involved in the steps toward the transition. It’s important to us that the whole household is on the same page. Our intentional actions to ensure this makes life seem smoother for us all.

Opening the Floor for Conversation

So, knowing that we were planning to look for a new Montessori since the beginning of the summer, I started putting the idea into my kid’s heads that they won’t go to this school forever.

Discussion began about growing bigger and getting older and that we go to different schools the older you get. We talked about teenagers attending high school, like where daddy works. I introduced the idea that one day they will be grown up and may not go to school anymore, but will probably just go to work like mommy and daddy.

The thought perplexed both of them and they’d  never thought of future life like that before. Not wanting to overwhelm them with details, I left them with this concept and answered only the questions they asked. This was me just planting the seed. I didn’t tell them they’d be switching schools soon, I only introduced the idea they wouldn’t go to this school forever.

As the kids’ school transition edged closer, I’d bring up the subject again and explain that we need to look for a Montessori that’s closer to our house. I explained how much easier it would be for mommy and daddy each day.

We were spending about 20-30 minutes in the car with traffic, so we had extensive conversations about how long the drive is and how much easier it would be to get to and from school each day if we attended a closer school. The kids seemed to like the idea of not being stuck in the car for so long and asked questions about what a new school would be like.

Easing Closer to the Transition Date

This slow-played, few details at a time, ease-into-it strategy seemed to be working.

Eventually we got to a point where the hubs and I were touring new daycares and were actively looking and discussing the pros and cons at each school between ourselves. This was a great opportunity to tell the kids that “Mommy and daddy looked at new schools for you today!”

A little enthusiasm and excitement in my voice translated to the kids that this was a positive change. They became excited and asked questions because they were just feeding off of my positive energy.

We explained how the tours went, what we saw, told them about meeting the teachers, described the classrooms, and checked out the playgrounds. Enough details were provided about specific points that were familiar to them, but not too many as to overwhelm them.

I wanted them to picture what a new classroom and playground might look like. It was important to me for them to imagine having a new teacher. These conversations with the kids also opened their minds to the thought that there are choices in the world and that we have the power to weigh them and choose what’s best for ourselves.

Implement a Visual Aide

We wanted to end the month at the current school and have a “clean” transition to the new Montessori at the beginning of the next month. This is all complicated by the fact that our older child was about to start Kindergarten and would have another transition 2 weeks later.

This made it even more important that we share the basics of what to expect with our kids. The thought of all these transitions back-to back definitely made me nervous. In comes the visual aid tool.

I introduced the kids to the calendar. They each have their own theme-of-their-choice wall calendar. I decided to use these as a tool to teach them about the months, days, numbers, and concepts like yesterday versus tomorrow and next month.

We’ve enjoyed looking at and talking about dates and plans using these paper wall calendars, putting stickers on event dates, and even special, sparkly reward stickers on certain days for good behaviors. I saw the calendars primarily as a tool to show them the timeline and count down the days to each of these transitions, but these other things were fun too!

We looked at the calendars together and marked up the next few upcoming special dates. New Montessori, Big School, and even doctor’s appointments were now marked on the calendar in addition to birthdays and holidays. Both kids seemed to understand which day was represented as “today” on the calendar and then how long until these other milestone days.

All seemed well, but I knew we couldn’t stop there. As the weeks progressed I made sure to remind them “This is your last week at this school. Next week we will start at the new Montessori school.”

Soon came the last reminder, “You really have some awesome friends and teachers here, make sure you give them a hug, because today is your last day.  Monday we start at the new Montessori school.” They seemed to appreciate these gentle reminders and were not even upset about the transition.

Tour, Drive-by, and Visit

We are very vocal and conversational about all things with our kids. Explanation, comparison, and sharing questions around what we’re thinking and what we expect before, during, and after these kind of large life changes helps them develop their own thought processes around change. 

During the week leading up to the change, for example, we drove past the new school multiple times and pointed it out to the kids. “There’s your new school, we will start going there next week on Monday!” We would say as we drove by.

While pointing at the building out the car window, we talked about how easy it would be to get there and about the shorter drive. We discussed the idea of new friends and talked through the language you’d use to introduce yourself and make a new buddy.

My husband was even able to pick them up from their current school a little early one day and take them to the new school for a little walk through. This allowed them to just be introduced to the building and look into the classrooms and picture their day there.

This is a huge key step in any transition- being able to introduce them to the new situation visually several times, in this case, by driving by or visiting prior to actually attending.

We’ve done the same steps over the past few weeks in regards to my oldest starting public Kindergarten. Every event that they have at the school, we make an appearance, just to get the kids in the building and represent it as a “normal” place to go.

I don’t want my son’s first day of school to be scary, and since we’ve visited the school several times and talked about it so much, Now it won’t be!

Put “Adulting” on Pause

Starting a new school comes with so many changes. Lunch codes, backpacks, what to wear, what to buy and what the new schedules is going to look like are just a few of the details. New environments and people are the biggies though.

Of course, the kids have been with us through back-to-school shopping, witnessed our conversations with other parents whom we’re friends with, and even met new classmates ahead of time. The same way a big move, career change, or even being new to a workout or networking group can be intimidating, these changes are intimidating to our children too.

I’m afraid that so many of us parents are preoccupied with other “adulting” duties, that we forget to address the emotional portion of our child’s’ lives.

My kids’ behavior extremes have been more noticeable lately, and each time that fit has triggered my brain to notice and address this emotion properly. I’ve been very cognizant to discipline in a low, stern voice and ask lots of questions about the behavior. At times, I have been able to pin the freak-out on being overtired, and overstimulated from all of the changes.

So far we’ve survived a few weeks at the new Montessori school and we start Big School on Monday. We’ve met the teacher, met a few friends in class, and planned breakfast and snacks for the week.

All the new kindergarten-parent jazz is taken care of. We are excited and scared and everything all at once and I’m sure the kids are too. As much as I’m concerned about his emotional wellbeing, I know mine is important too and I’m trying my hardest to be cool.

Change is Required, So is Trust

Transitions will always exist. I feel like they ironically follow me around and play jokes on my life- like as soon as I get comfortable somewhere, things have to change and that comfort has to be removed.

I wholly admit that I’m not great at surviving through change, which is why I put so much effort into making sure they are okay with it. This year has been a massive year of transition for me, with lots of ups and downs, and my kids switching schools is just icing on the cake.

I’m proud my kids are starting this new journey, I’m happy to support their emotions through the process, and I’m so thankful of my awareness around their emotional wellbeing.

Apprehensive and joyful both describe how I feel at the thought of starting this new phase in our lives, which is probably why I’m so hyper-cautious about my need for them to handle it well. Our success through any transition rests on trusting the things that have led us to this path, and most of all, trying to teach our children this focus as well.