We tend to live life in this false, imaginary world of “normal”.

There is no true normal, it’s just simply what we’ve become accustomed to. And the funny thing is, we may not even be happy with our normal.  

My normal is different than your normal and every once in a while we’re forced to adjust to a new normal.

A new normal can be the result of a positive change like landing a fantastic job, having a kiddo graduate and go to college, getting married, or achieving a goal like a higher income, a new home, or the start of or addition to the family.

In contrast, a new normal may be because of a very difficult situation. A job loss, car accident, death in the family, or disease diagnosis can be a shocking new normal.

Usually, we remember the rough spots in life that changed our good life to a harder, more challenging one, even if for a short time, more than the positives.

Hitting a rough spot

We rarely see the toughest challenges in life coming. They usually slap us in the face when we’re least prepared and already at our wits end.

A late fee or speeding ticket comes when you already spent the budget down to the bone and only have $20 to your name. A doctor’s visit is required when you already spent all your money on a new car last month. The water heater breaks when you just blew the budget on the pool equipment.

These emergencies creep up when we least expect them and are barely or maybe unable to handle them at all.

The hardest times show up in our lives as a result of sickness or disease, an accident of some sort, or any other “unforeseen” circumstance. They are unforeseen because we didn’t see them coming and didn’t know to prepare for anything.

There is no way to ever know what’s coming. We didn’t know to expect something would break or that a car would run the light.

You don’t know what you don’t know, so you don’t know what to prepare for. Dark, right?

It feels like we’re flying

Have you flown recently?

I just went on a weekend getaway and wow, was it good for my soul.  On the way back I had a window seat and was lucky enough to get a 5 am flight. Sarcasm there.

Seriously, I had to land at a certain time, so I had to be on that flight, which caused me to be at the airport at 3 am like some kind of crazy person. The silver lining here, that I had no idea I’d find, is that I got to see the sun rise.

It gives me chills thinking about it because it was just so gorgeous.

What are the chances that I’d get a window seat on that flight, fly in that direction, happen to have left the window shade open, and then… and then also be of sound mind and soul that early in the morning to be able to absorb the beauty that I was about to witness? Who knew?!? Not I.

Everyone else was asleep on that flight. It was quiet and I could have been dozing too.

The calm before the storm

It was completely dark when we took off so I couldn’t see anything and didn’t notice anything in particular. We reached our cruising altitude and it was smooth sailing, I listened to podcasts got a complimentary coffee, and enjoyed the peace – a much desired commodity in the life of a busy mom.

Can I get an Amen!?!

Once I saw the first rays of light poking through the clouds, I started paying attention. We were flying above them. This thick sheet of grey cotton blanketed the earth and there was no seeing through it to the ground.

It was beautiful though – smooth and bumpy at the same time with beautiful shadows and mixes of light and dark greys and white tones. At this level, seeing the sun come up and the sheet of whitish-grey below us, at this new level of normal, it was peaceful.

There were no problems, all was calm and it was beautiful. I took deep breaths, smiled, and enjoyed the view. There was nothing else to do, nothing else to think about.

Sometimes your new level of normal is like this, flying high above the clouds with no turbulence. But much like a plane, you climbed to get there and you can’t stay up there forever.

Life’s challenges await and this life is more like a roller coaster than an airplane. Even if you were a plane, you’d still have to land, fuel up, and switch out passengers.

No pilot is praised for how long she can stay in the air. Her recognition comes from how many times she was able to safely take off and land that plane.

In comparison, our lives, our legacy will be written based on how many times we sink below the clouds and then rise again.

Turbulence, Captain

As we began to descend, the plane forced its way through that thick blanket of grey. There was turbulence and the fasten seat belt sign came on. I held my coffee up so that it wouldn’t bump around on the little tray table.

As I looked out the window, I saw nothing but the grey moisture surrounding us and I could barely make out the shape of the wing when the guide lights at the end blinked. In the thick of it you couldn’t see anything and I even thought to myself, “Thank goodness for radar!”

Life’s obstacles are like this right? When we are in the middle of something life changing, negative or positive, it’s going to be challenging and we may not be able to see the path out.

We aren’t typically equipped with radar, so we have to muddle through. We may have higher blood pressure, our heart might beat faster, and we might feel nervous, among other emotions. It’s through these times that we have to steady our behaviors as much as possible.

When we are stressed, we tend to make the worst decisions- we stress eat, snap at loved ones, order take out, skip the gym, and sleep less. These actions only compound the problem, whether it’s health or financially related, we’re sabotaging ourselves.

Which will you choose?

Every time we make a choice for the “easy” way out like ordering takeout or skipping the gym, not only are we wasting money, but we are denying ourselves an opportunity for greatness.

When you actually workout you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that you accomplished something. When you make a healthy salad choice at lunch, you’re rewarded with nutrition for your body, less bloating and weight gain, and future unforeseen health benefits from your long term good choices.

I choose to not be complacent. I won’t accept someone else denying me the opportunity for greatness, so why on Earth would I allow ME to do that to MYSELF?

Sometimes we can’t see past the tip of our nose, because we are just trying to survive and doing whatever it takes to make it.

We have to continue through the turbulence though because we have to land, we can’t stay in the sky forever or that will lead to a crash.

Life is HARD in that moment, whether the hardship is with parenting, money, sickness, family, or work. We may feel like it’s never going to end or like we will be stuck forever.

Prepare to make hindsight irrelevant

Suddenly it cleared.

I found myself on the other side of that layer of grey. Ahhh, I could relax again. Here I was looking out the plane window, right over the left wing of the plane, seeing this beautiful middle space.

A thick layer of grey above me, and light puffy cotton balls below me, the sun rising in the distance, and the earth with itty bitty boxes on it below. These cute, light, clouds just puffed on by and didn’t even phase the plane.

Obstacles in life are like these clouds. Sometimes there are light puffy ones that are easy to blow past. They don’t’ phase us although they are acknowledged.

Little hiccups along the way like a broken can opener, or a flat tire, or a forgotten lunch are not too difficult to work through if you have a few bucks set aside. This is why everyone should strive to have $500 – $1000 bucks in savings at all times.

But sometimes there’s a thick blanket of storm clouds that we have no choice but to go through. There’s a reason people say “in the thick of it” – because you can’t figure out where this blinding fog came from and you can’t see a way out.

There are the big threats in life like a broken down vehicle, job loss,  home repair, hospitalization, or death in the family. There’s no timeline or promise of an end, you just have to muster through.

These things can’t really be planned for besides with a larger emergency fund. Even then, you won’t know if you have enough, but at least you have something.

If you’re in the position for a larger emergency fund, I suggest setting aside 10-20 thousand for an absolutely crazy emergency. If you never use it, count your blessings. But if you do need it, it’s there to save your buns.

Banish Self-doubt

If you’re drowning in debt, you may not believe that you’ll ever get out of it. Sure, you can plan to pay off a certain amount each month and calculate that out and know of an approximate date you’ll pay everything off.

But it’s all estimation, because we have no idea what events and bills will try to derail that plan between now and then.

And what about potential raises, windfalls, gifts or other upsides to the equation? We truly never know how that journey will go.

Only when that dark layer is behind us can we look back and truly see it for what it was. We are a different person on the other side of the challenge and what we couldn’t even see before seems so obvious now.

We physically can’t sit still 24/7, but also can’t be perpetually in motion. We must achieve a balance of both.

I had the honor of listening to some amazing, very popular, very famous speakers this weekend and many of them touched on fear, negative self-talk, and having those issues no matter what level of life you live.

Even they, no matter how famous, deal with self-doubt, vulnerability, confidence, and fear. I deal with these daily as well and am working hard to address and overcome them.

Re-write your script

Positive beliefs can be implemented when it comes to spending and saving intentionally and can carry you forward through the toughest times.

Instead of thinking “I always blow my money” or “I can’t ever carry cash”, tell yourself that you spend money on things that are important to you and that add value to your life.

Instill the belief in your soul that you save and spend toward your true goals and are good at deciphering wants versus needs. These simple thoughts have kept me focused in the most tempting of situations.

What would happen if the pilot gave up when the plane hit turbulence? What would happen if the pilot was scared to land so just kept on flying? I’ll tell you… it would crash.

You’ll crash if bad money mindset controls your habits long term. It happened to me several years ago and I’ve seen it happen to many others. Small steps, like listening to how you talk to yourself and changing the direction of those comments can and will change the way you operate your airplane.

(For a free download to help change your mindset around money, click here)

How well you fly will be completely and wholly up to you. I give you permission to not be complacent and to spend and save purposefully for the things you value most.

I also give you permission not to spend on the fast food, overpriced clothing, home décor that doesn’t matter, and name brand kids clothes that will be ruined in a matter of minutes, among other things.

I give you permission to say “no” to things that don’t add value to your life. Is your health, your family, and your legacy important to you? Does your spending reflect those things? What do you tell yourself about the way you live life?

 I am enough to change my family’s path, and you are too.